so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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