3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
