I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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