It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
be right there i have to get my cape
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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