Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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