I accidentally had phone sex last night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
