it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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