If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
