I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
