No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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