Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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