she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
