yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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