It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
