Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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