How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
