HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
