hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
