I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
