Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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