we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
