Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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