she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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