Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
