I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
