I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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