Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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