Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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