No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
