that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
