I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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