he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
