Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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