i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Randomize
