I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
