I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
