Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
