My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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