haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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