You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
