Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
