He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize