she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you inspire me to be a worse person
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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