Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
