Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
