Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
