It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
