I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
