It's Friday. Sex?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
