we're blogging at a bar
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
