I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize