Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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