I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
