Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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