YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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