saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
