what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
