I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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