I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
