So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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