i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
