I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
