Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
