I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
