ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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