I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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