After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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