you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
