My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize