good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
