just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
