Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
