This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize