Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
