Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
