Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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