Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
