I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
