He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
